wow o wow. when it rains it pours in my life i swear!!!

so my ex bf had a band and i was pretty close to all of them but we broke up like a year and half ago and i run into them sometimes. well i ran into his bass player Derek in nov. at a concert. well yesterday out of the blue he calls me and asked to hang out. so he came over for a few hours and it was really fun. i mean it was nice to talk w him and joke around but it was so random!

then....before new years i told this guy Ryan that i liked him and to my very much surpisedness (not a word lol) he has gf that he failed to mention for a month. well anyways i was really embarassed so i stopped talking to him. well today he text me saying sorry and bla bla bla. i shouldnt be so forgiving but he is a cool guy so i told him a didnt mind just being friends.

it may not seem like a lot but my luck with guys is HORRIBLE and it was just wierd. hmm...but secretly i woudlnt mind hanging w Derek more often. he is so cool.

hmm....well im out.

i just watched the express which is a movie about Ernie Harris, the first African-American to win the heisman award. woah! it was sooo good. i love it. well it was depressing but also reviting.

uggghhhh!!!! SO i work in photo lab right? well tom. i have to clean the machines and change the chemicals. i hate it! it takes for fucking ever. lol sorry just had to vent.

Ok, so i kind of, well its very fresh, like, kind of not really sure, well....lets start over.
there is guy at my work and i reallly like to talk to him and be goofy with. i dont know if i like him or anything but i just feel so bad even having him cross my mind. why u ask? well he is really into his religon and goes to a christian college and i am atheist. : //
i should probably let every ounce of feeling go i have for him whether it be friends or more. I dont deserve people like him. not regarding his faith, more like after all the shit ive done and said i dont deserve to have someone that good-hearted and carasmatic.

Oh i dont want to start a relgious campaign or anything but i would love to rekindle the faith i used to have in a supernatural but i lost it. but i would do anything to get it back. i just dont know if i can.

phew. got that off my chest. sorry if i offended anyone. if you have any advice let me know. im very open-minded.

so i think im really going to enjoy school this semester! sweet.

oh wow. i got cuaght doing a double take on this guy today. it was rather embaressing. then i eye fucked the shit out of him in the hall. also embarassing.  however, when i got cuaght i couldn't help but luagh so at least he knows that i  know that i got cuaght. lol my luck in the category of life is really shitty. lol

bla. my life is so rutine and im only 19. school. work. work. school. work. work. work. work. work. work. i need some sponinatity (sp). oh well i have other things to focus on besides just those two things. ok im done blabbing about all this.

later.